Welcome to Fatherhood

“Do not worry then, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear for clothing?’ For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.” (Matthew 6:31-32)

This week, I’m quickly finding that my adjustment to fatherhood is actually harder than my wife’s adjustment to motherhood. Wendy has had Chase inside of her for 9 months. She has had 9 months of close physical attachment with him, for example, she experienced when and how Chase would be active when she ate or when she slept, etc. Also, she has first hand hormonal changes that forces her to deal with emotional issues of pregnancy and pending motherhood. In other words, she has already known Chase physically and emotionally for months before Chase was born.

Not so with dad (me). Of course I absolutely love my son baby Chase. But love is hardly the only strong emotion I feel these days. I need time to know him and it seems 24 hours is not even enough, and I have to share this time with my wife and also my parents who are helping us out. Honestly, jealousy is a very real feeling these days for me. Sometimes when I’m burping Chase and holding him for some private bonding time, it was really hard to put him down, because when I was holding him close to my chest, it was like the whole world was all right and all peaceful, and I can forget all my troubles and fears. And yet at the same time Wendy and I are still exploring to find our styles as parents. Wendy and I are trying to work together as a unit and not be distracted by unwanted advice.

Today I read that the Heavenly Father understands all our needs (Matthew 6:31-32). Not only that, but He has His own perfect way and style of providing us those needs. Compared to Him, I feel so inadequate. But I know God knows my needs to learn to be the father and the husband He wants me to be, and I trust that as I learn to grow into those roles, He’ll train me up in the way I should go.

BTW, I’m singing Chase a song called “Butterfly” every day. Actually, I started singing him this song every week when He was in the womb. It really expressed my feelings now more than ever. This song is also a strong influence on my decision to give Chase his Chinese name 陳翼朗:

Butterfly (by “The Choir”)
Verse 1:
You are precious more than I could express
Melodies and words are poor at best
You are a gift to me, a treasure from heaven

Chorus:
You were created to fly
To decorate the blue sky
Show the world your colorful wings, my butterfly

Verse 2:
Little one, are you frightened of the sky?
It’s alright, sometimes even daddies have to cry
Give your heart to the wind, I know you’re gonna make it

Chorus:
You were created to fly
To decorate the blue sky
Show the world your colorful wings, my butterfly

Bridge:
Now I long to show how truly I love you
When you are at home and I am away
The Father above is near enough to hold you
Remember me, love, tonight when you pray

Ending:
You were created to fly
To decorate the blue sky
Show the world your colorful wings, my butterfly, butterfly
You’re free

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One thought on “Welcome to Fatherhood

  1. Congratulations Tim and Wendy!  Chase is beautiful!  I thank the Lord for giving him parents like you two, who I trust will bring him up in the instruction and admonition of the Lord.

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