I’ve been married 8.5 years. I’m happy to say that “keeping the flames alive” is not an important part of our marriage. The reason I’m “happy” to say that is because if you rely on romance and passion to keep a marriage going, then you’re doomed to fail. I believe that the rise in the divorce rate is driven by people basing their marriage on the wrong foundation of having to always be in romantic love with each other. And many divorces are caused by people who think they’ve fallen out of that loving feeling for the spouse. Rather, our marriage is based on commitment and an appreciation that the other person is better. And we also look to God to hold this family together. The success of our marriage is not in how passionate we get, but in how we rely on God to lead us through the storms and the difficult times. It’s true that you should seek to change yourself instead of changing your spouse; and in our marriage, the power to change ourselves comes from God.
BTW, I highly recommend the books “Sacred Marriage” and “Devotions for a Sacred Marriage” by Gary Thomas.