Wendy and I had a short 5-minute sharing during the Sunday worship service on June 7. The main purpose was to encourage brothers and sisters to sign up for a marriage enrichment camp this July. But I think the sharing might have wider appeal, so I’m posting it here since it might be interesting to you:
My name is Tim and this is my wife Wendy. We have two children, Chase, 3 years old, and River, 7 months old. We’ve been married 9 years and 10 months, and we’re about to celebrate our 10 year anniversary next month. We’re happy to share about the upcoming marriage enrichment camp.
Over the past 10 years of marriage we went through a lot of things, including some tough times when the two of us came very close to separating. About 7 years ago, Wendy started telling me weird things, like “I wish I was single” or “If I start over, I would not get married.” At that time, I did not think much of it. But now I realize that it’s something very much true with husbands and wives. Even while the wife is suffering silently inside battling her disappointments with the martial relationship, the husband would think everything is just fine; and that was how I was at the time.
At that time both of us were heavily involved in both church ministries and parachurch ministries. But we neglected to spending time to building up our relationship in the home. We should not just be Christians when we “serve” or “go to church.” First and foremost, Christ’s command for us to love one another needs to be lived out in the home. Someone once said, “我們正常生活的中心就是我們屬靈生活的中心“, and this certainly applies to living out our faith in our workplaces and in our homes and in our marriages. And if being busy at church interferes with that, we really should re-examine our priorities.
The Bible says that wives should submit to the husband, and the husband should love his wife as himself. But this is all very unnatural to us humans. Would any of you wives wake up in the morning and just choose to be gladly submissive to your husband? Or would any of you husbands wake up in the morning and just choose to care for your wife’s needs just as importantly as your own? We are all inherently selfish people, we prefer too much to hide from conflict instead of dealing with issues, and we tend to hide our feelings instead of having open communication. This is why we need help to learn and improve in our marriage relationships.
So here’s a challenge for you: Tonight, ask your spouse to rate, on a scale of 1-10, how satisfied he/she is in this marriage. And if you feel more daring, ask, “If you could do it over again, would you have married me?” If the answer is not satisfactory, it may not be a bad thing; it’s just a signal that something needs to be worked on in the marriage. The upcoming marriage enrichment camp is an opportunity for you to discuss the issues you can work on, and there are other couples who can offer support. We hope you’ll all consider going to this camp.