“But now, O LORD, You are our Father, we are the clay, and You our potter; and all of us are the work of Your hand.” (Isaiah 64:8)
Lately I found that I have to take off my glasses to read things. Like if we go out to eat, I found myself either having to put down my glasses to read the menu, or I have to hold the menu farther away from my eyes. I started dreading that B-word: Bifocal. So today I decided to pay a visit to the eye doctor.
After some measurements, the eye doctor said that I will need reading glasses. He explained to me that, usually when one hits 40 years old, the lens in your eye will become so rigid that, despite the best effort of the muscles in your eyes to stretch or shape it, the lens would refuse to be molded. Because of the stubbornness of the lens in my eyes, I’ll need either a bifocal, a multifocal, or separate sets of glasses for reading and for driving.
And, yes, I’m 40 years old right now. To be exact, in 7 more days, I will become 41. In the Bible, 40 is a special number. Moses’ life could be analytically divided into 3 distinct stages of 40 years. Maybe, 7 days later, I will enter into a completely different stage in life?
I do have some fears of being a “middle ager.” But my fear is not being told I’m “old” nor having physical/medical fears. Rather, I’ve seen many older people who seem to be bad listeners and who seem to be very stubborn people. I tell myself that I’m not like “them,” and I will not be like “them.” But, deep down, my fear is that I would eventually become like “them” anyway.
For example, lately I’ve not been blogging much. One reason is busyness at work, but there’s actually a second, scarier reason. I’ve actually had lots of blogging ideas. But it seems that every time I tried to start a draft of a blog entry, I would not be able to finish writing it, be it forgetfulness (which is getting increasingly worse over time), or me having a hard time to concentrate, or that I lose my train of thought easily, or somehow my brain couldn’t process the many thoughts in my head and I was getting confused.
The thing I fear most, spiritually, is whether I can maintain my “spiritual stretchability.” That is, being flexible enough to be continuously stretched and continuously shaped by God.
I’ve learned recently that, as I continue to get older, one thing that will keep me from being more stubborn is to learn to accept my limitations, and stick to my boundaries. And I will have to recognize that I will discover more of my limitations as I get older. Be happy about those limitations.
So, I guess that, perhaps, the way to being more stretchable by God is to release control and accept my limitations. Perhaps these limitations are a gift for how one can be freed to let God lead in more areas of one’s life. Do you agree?